On the 19th April, I will be saying goodbye to my students and status as not-quite-qualified-yet-more-than-experienced-teacher for the very last time. To commemorate one of the more challenging years of my life, I have decided to write about how I managed to teach English as a foreign language to one of the most difficult age-groups in the history of the world. Ever.
Now, right from the word ‘go’, I jumped into what I thought resembled authority mode, drawing from my past all of the techniques and materials which had worked for my old teachers, and consciously avoiding EVERYTHING that made my old sub-teachers’ lives’ difficult. (I did not want to be that girl.)
This post will almost certainly provide some kind of humour to someone out there, even if I experienced none myself at the time. It is, grossomodo, a collection of memoirs for how not to approach a troisième (year 10) class of French students, told from the perspective of a 21 year old assistant-turned-teacher (extraordinaire). Learn from my mistakes, and you will make even more. I assure you.
NB: The guidelines are mainly for my own reference. Feel free to ignore them.
1. Allowing a group of troisième students to sit where and with whoever they please is study suicide. You might as well not have bothered setting your alarm when you stumbled into bed in the early hours of the morning. This teaching technique is likely to lead to long-term side-effects such as the Turner Back Around Syndrome, where students lose the ability to sit facing the whiteboard. Eyesight problems also come into effect from the moment students realise they are to choose their own seats, where the eyesight of some is so spectacularly 20-20 that they simply must sit at the back of the class, as far away as possible from you, the whiteboard, and any information they might have the misfortune to learn.
Rectify the situation: Grab a list of their names, devise a seating plan boy-girl-boy-girl, and treat them how you were treated all those seven years ago. NB: Don’t bother trying to establish a seating plan with less than a month to go until you finish teaching. It just isn’t worth the drama.
2. Don’t attempt to start a group project which you had planned to last for more than one lesson. Ha. Don’t even bother. This could only end in tears. Your tears. I understand how it feels to be so tired you’ve stopped thinking straight, that a project would save a lot of time lesson-planning and that, at the time, ‘Festivals: The Project’ may have seemed like your greatest work yet, but it just wasn’t meant to be.
First of all, despite the fact that topical words such as ‘festival’ and ‘poster’ and ‘ticket’ are as transparent as you can get, your troisième will do their best to not understand what they are expected to do. You will re-phrase the work in French, English, and made-up sign language, before resigning yourself to a poster per group. The students will, of course, not attempt any homework until (at least) two weeks after you have set it, and if you’re as lucky as I was, you might even get a 14 year old French girl throwing a hissy fit because somebody else took her idea. And nobody wants that, trust me.
3. If you are going to insist on the group project work, do not let them choose their own groups. Have you not learned anything? You have already made the mistake of letting them sit next to whoever they like too many times for you to rectify that decision. Under which circumstance do you think that letting them choose their own groups will lead to increased productivity? Most troisième students have hit a wall. The je m’en fiche wall. The je comprend rien wall. The don’t-you-dare-make-me-work-with-that-girl wall. And they tend to gravitate to students who are also less enthused than they need to be.
4. Unless your French is immaculate, don’t French it up. I have a student who spends a lot of his time reading the posters in my classroom, which would be acceptable if it weren’t for the fact that I am an English teacher and the posters are in Spanish. After some time, I asked him what he was doing (in French). This conversation followed:
Prof: Tu fais quoi? What are you doing?
Student: Bah, je regarde les posters, Madame. Well, I’m looking at the posters, Miss.
Prof: Bah oui, mais pourquoi? Of course, but why?
Student: Baaaaahhh oui
The student repeats what I have just said, only with an English accent. Silence ensues in the classroom. I am now faced with three choices: a) ignore what has been said and continue with the class, b) send the student out of my class for disruptive behaviour, c) pretend I didn’t hear that and ask him to repeat.
Of course I chose option c):
Prof: Qu’est-ce que t’as dit? What did you say?
Student: Rien. Nothing.
Prof: Non, je n’ai pas entendu. Dis-moi, qu’est-ce que t’as dit? No, I didn’t hear you. Tell me, what did you say? (a hint of a smile works a treat)
Student: Je veux pas vous provoquer. I don’t want to provoke you.
Luckily, there are techniques which troisième students respond well to, whether they want to or not. Here are my top tips for troisième teaching:
1.Calm yourself. Don’t pull a tantrum in front of your class. I have not (yet) ventured into this territory myself, but I’ve witnessed a few veteran teachers who have. And, I’m sorry, 
but you embarass yourself. Who is going to listen to a teacher who starts each and every lesson by shouting over something insignificant? It doesn’t matter what is going on in your life, or however little sleep you’ve had, screaming at a few troisième students is never the answer. It’s just not fetch at all.Tu te calmes.
2. Lay down the law. When teaching troisième students, especially as a young (pseudo) teacher, you will find yourself having to deal with around 25 strange crazy adult-children. These students are not considered adult to anyone but themselves, which then becomes your main concern.
You need to convince them that you regard them as adult enough to stop acting like four year olds (ha), but that they still need a seating plan and homework every now and again. Make them realise that they need you more than you need them.
3. Endless encouragement. So what if Pierre keeps referring to the Queen as Queen Elizabette Two? Who cares is Sandrine can’t tell the difference between seventy and seventeen? At least they’re trying. I have seen too many teachers shoot a student down continuously for their pronunciation, and then wonder why said student no longer volunteers to speak. They are scared of failure. Particularly when it’s accompanied by a telling off from your (now) least-favourite teacher. Gentle and indirect correction is the only way you’re ever going to break through with these kids.
This is by no means a complete list, but it’s a start.
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